So cute!

After being measured on the playroom growth chart this morning, Avery excitedly said, "Mommy!  Mommy!  I grew all the way up to my head!!"

After telling Alexander that I was feeling pretty tired and grumpy, he said, "that's okay, Mommy, I still like you when you're grumpy.  I love you any way you feel."   

Alexander has gotten to the stage in reading where he doesn't want any help with challenging words.   He abruptly reminded me of this tonight when he said, "Shhh!  You're the second vowel!" (When two vowels go walking, the first one does the talking...)

Avery announced in the car today that she had a really big boogie on her finger.  When I said, "Wow!  How did that get there?"  She proudly answered (and demonstrated) "I had to put my finger in really far like this!"   

 

A rainy, reading day

It is a cold rainy day here and we spent the afternoon reading armloads of books.  The kids snuggled in tight on each side of me on the couch and happily spent hours pouring through the books piled high on the coffee table.  Favorites lately include anything silly.  Robert Munsch is a big hit here as are the silly poems of Shel Silverstein.  Alexander still has a passion for nonfiction and will say at the end of such books things like, "that was a really good book, Mommy, because we learned all about bumblebees".  Avery has developed a passion for girly, girly books.  She loves the Fancy Nancy series and nonfiction books about ballerinas.  

And, today for the first time, we took turns reading!

Alexander has become more confident in his reading ability and is now willing to tackle books above his reading level.  This is a wonderful change from a few months ago where reading books out loud could quickly deteriorate from great fun to big frustration in a single sentence. I used to organize books according to reading level and directed his progression through him. Now when faced with a book-any book-he just plows ahead and tries to figure out all the words that come his way.  He even tackled a few pages of a chapter book I was reading to him the other night.  I love to see him exhilarated  by a challenge rather than overwhelmed by one.  It is amazing what a little self-efficacy can do!  And, my goodness, it is SO fun to have him be such an active part of reading together.

Avery has also started reading.  She can sound out *very* simple 3 letter words and has memorized a few common sight words (the, and).  The looks of "wow!" on her face when she realizes that the sounds she is saying turn into a real word ("cah! ah! tah! (repeat 10 or so times) ......  CAT!")  is priceless and her thrill in seeing a word she knows is so exciting to see ("that says and!").  I feel so privileged and so lucky to see them making these discoveries about their world.  It is truly one of the best parts about being a stay at home mom for me.  

Watch, Check, and Cheer

The other day, the children's teacher at school mentioned that sometimes Alexander is so quick to help Avery that it sometimes hinders her independence.  She asked my advice in handling this.  I thought about this for a good bit that afternoon.  

I love how Alexander looks out for Avery and deeply cares about her and her well being.  I want her to know deep in her bones that her big brother is on her side, is there to help her, love her and adore her.  And I love the pride Alexander has in being there for her and the way his heart has an opportunity to show tenderness, thoughtfulness, and kindness in nurturing her.  So, from an early age, I looked for and created opportunities for Alexander to show Avery love and, in doing so, worked to facilitate and nurture the many different ways we have as individuals to show love to someone.   And now he does many of these things on his own.  At the local play structure, he turns himself into a step stool so that Avery can climb to the next level.  He has been known to put shoes on her feet and band aids on her boo boos.  He comforts her when she is sad.  He builds doll houses for her dollies out of his blocks.  He loves to snuggle her to sleep in his arms.  And he loves to help her when she is struggling.  

So I didn't want to discourage the love in his heart.  I also didn't want his love to thwart Avery's development.    

So I talked to Alexander that night about how Avery has gotten so much bigger and more capable and noted all that she can do on her own now that she didn't use to be able to do.  I talked about how Avery is so lucky to have him as a teacher and a helper in her life and how he has facilitated her growth.  I then said that I thought he was ready to learn "Watch, Check and Cheer".   I explained that "Watch" means to stand back and watch for signs of needing help.  If she needs help, then we can do what we normally do-- ask if she would like help and, if she does, then provide just enough help to get her progressing toward her goal again.    "Check" means to check that she reached her goal properly (i.e., put her toy back where it belongs or reached the top of the ladder).  If she doesn't quite get to where she needs/wants to be, we simply give a gentle reminder/encouragement or, if necessary, help.   "Cheer" means that we congratulate and celebrate her reaching her goal by saying "You did it!" or giving her a high-5 or a big hug.  

We practiced this a few times at home and Alexander took to it pretty easily as really we were just adding the step of "watch" and simply formalizing the rest what he already does.  He also seemed proud of Avery and of himself.   

The next day I explained "Watch, Check, and Cheer" to their teacher and as of late, she says it is working.

I am glad we found a solution that seems to work.  For now at least.  I have been parenting long enough to realize that a solution that seems great at first can quickly backfire, have unintended consequences, or simply stop working.  So I will revisit and revise as needed.   

But, mostly I am glad for all the opportunities we have as parents to teach our children about love and about relationships.  I hope that as Alexander and Avery go out into the world they have a solid sense of what love looks and feels like in its many different expressions and forms. And I am thankful to have a God that shows us what love looks like in its perfect form and who continues to teach me (everyday) about what it means to love others and all the ways I can be doing that better.        

Sweet Alexander

Alexander is just so sweet.  

He made the transition a few months ago from sleeping in my arms with Avery to sleeping in his own bed by himself.  That was a pretty easy transition, but now he is working on the harder one of falling asleep by himself in his own bed after we say goodnight.  Until several months ago, we rocked him to sleep and then snuggled him to sleep.  Now, after books, prayers, and snuggles, we say "goodnight" and then see him in the morning. Sometimes, he requests more snuggling, but his ability to fall asleep on his own has been growing each month.  I know this pace must be shocking to most parents, but we are definitely into "attachment parenting" and have had four addresses in 2 years (more on that later) and this approach has been working for us.

Anyway, each night that he falls asleep by himself, he gets a "pillow present" in the morning (a sticker or a little piece of chocolate) to celebrate.   This week, his pillow present has been two *very* small pieces of chocolate.  Alexander LOVES chocolate and very rarely ever gets such a sugary treat.  So, it is a big deal.  And, each morning this week, he has chosen someone in our family to get the second piece.  This amazes me.  I have been giving him two pieces because they are so very small.  But, each time he gets them, his face just lights up with joy as he says, "I have two pieces!  You can have one too Mommy/Avery/Daddy!  Come sit down!  I'll open it for you!"  I tell him each morning that these chocolates are for him, that he can save them if he would like, but each morning he chooses to share with his loved ones.  I just love his generous heart.

While we were playing in the snow this weekend, Alexander had a really cool snowball maker that he was having so much fun using.  Kids around him showed a lot of interest in it and invariably, Alexander offered them a turn with it.  One time I was watching him offer another child a turn and he looked up at me and said, "I wanted to show him kindness and generosity". It just about melted my heart.   We talk a lot about how our actions can show others what is in our hearts, but this was the first time I saw him apply it in his own life.  I was very touched that he wanted to show these unfamiliar kids, who he will never see again, what is in his heart.  

And, finally, when Alexander was at the park yesterday, he and another boy were looking at and talking about a worm on the ground when the other little boy picked up the worm and ran off with it.  Alexander started waving his arms in the air and ran after him in a panic, but the older boy was faster and gained some distance before putting the worm on the ground and stomping on it.   When Alexander caught up to the boy, he shouted something firm at him, and then rescued the part of the worm that wasn't squished and gently put it in the grass.  They then ran off to play more in the park.  I loved how Alexander stood up to that older boy and tried to right a wrong and I loved how he was able to forgive/accept a difference in a playmate.  

He is just such a sweet, special boy.  

Winter vacation

Eric has been off this week and we are loving having him around.  We started his vacation with a three day trip to Tahoe that included skiiing, sledding, skating, snow playing, swimming, hot tubbing, gondola riding and hot chocolate drinking.  Usually, all in the same day.  We had a blast together.  Although we make it to Tahoe most available Saturdays, this was our first overnight trip.  It was a big success and we are planning to do it more often.  Having that extra day is just so much fun!   And having a room at a resort to have some down time, swim, hot tub, and eat is really valuable.  

This week the kids are back in school in the morning.  Eric and I have been having long, leisurely dates during this time.  We have had some great talks spanning everything from the children to politics to the economy to interesting articles read to personal philosophy and religion.  It is so wonderful to have uninterrupted time to talk and reconnect.  In the afternoons, Eric has been taking the children to the park to play and connect before dinner.  It has been wonderful for them to have so much time with Daddy during the week.  This weekend, Eric and I will head back to Tahoe for a weekend without the children.  It is just our second time away without the children and we are really looking forward to it.  Sometimes I think the anticipation is half the fun!  

A day at home

Last night the children had their annual "Holiday Tea and Sing".   Their school rents a large auditorium and the children from all of the classrooms gather onstage and sing a series of culturally diverse Holiday songs they have been practicing for the past several weeks. Afterwards, the parents, teachers, and children gather together for Tea and Cookies that the children baked in their classrooms.  It is an adorable night.  Hearing the children shout/sing and so earnestly perform all of the hand motions to the songs is just delightful.  

And it makes me fully realize that they will only be this special age just once and for such a short period of time.  

So, it should have been no surprise to me that when the children woke up this morning and started playing a bit, I didn't rush them into their clothes and out the door like normal.  I let them play and play and play.  

The whole day.  

I sometimes plan to do this --take a break from school and just enjoy being with the children. We usually do something planned and fun-- like make crafts, visit a local attraction, decorate for the holidays.  But, this was the first time that we stayed home just because.  

Just because they are little and precious and the days go by all too quickly.  

So yesterday we played together the whole day at home.  We played babies and puppies and doctor and a couple of new pretend games of library and zoo.  And at times the children preferred to play just with each other and I was happy to stand back and observe the world from their perspective and see their imaginations in action and see how they delight in and participate in the world around them.  So, yesterday I had the wonderful chance to see them eat their snack with no hands from a plate on the floor "just like puppies" and to hide from a big green dragon in Alexander's tent and to squeeze hand soap onto the shower floor to "practice skating".   All the cliches are true-- it is impossible to anticipate the joy and love that you'll have as a mother.  It is really the most amazing gift.  

Today is a new day and the children happily went off to school where their friends and teachers and "work" awaited them.  And I am home looking at their little slippers, little books, and little clothes and missing them terribly.  But I don't feel sad.  I just miss them.  They are off experiencing their lives and growing and blooming and I will be there to catch them back in my arms and to delight in all that is new about them.  And to look forward to the next time that we just take a day off to play, play, play.

First parent-teacher conferences.

Today was Alexander's and Avery's first parent-teacher conference at their new school.  While I didn't expect any issues or problems to come up in it, I did wonder what their teacher would cover as it provides a glimpse into how she thinks about the children and their growth.  I was so thrilled to learn that she thinks about them just the way Eric and I do--as multi-faceted, ever developing, interesting little people.  After just 3 months with them, she KNOWS them and all the little qualities about them that make them so wonderful and unique.  

For Alexander, she spoke for awhile on his kindness, gentleness, self-discipline, focus, and inquisitive nature.  She spoke about how the other children seek him out as a work partner. The younger children like how he patiently and clearly explains things and is not bossy or pushy.  The older children like him because he stays on task, is reliable, and a good contributor. On a social level, she noted that he is really coming out of his shell (Alexander is not technically shy, but he takes a little bit of time to adjust to new situations).  She said he initiates conversations, allows others to join him in projects, and asks to join others.  He still prefers to watch a bit and "hang back" in less familiar groupings, but we both suspect that as he gains more experience he'll jump in more readily.  

I love that she is not pushing him in this area by putting him on the spot or pressuring/forcing him to join in a group he is observing, but handling it just the way I would-- giving him lots of opportunities for growth and the space to develop/try new skills when he's ready.   I love that she already trusts and knows that he will get there in his own time.  And he will get there-- I will forever remember driving an hour round trip every day to the zoo so that Alexander could work up the courage to join the kids at the splash park.  After a couple of months, he was the kid confidently running through all of the spouts and leading the way for less certain kids.  He definitely likes to watch a bit and see how things work before jumping into something new. 

She also spoke about how he confidently approaches difficult tasks, doesn't shy away or get easily discouraged from new jobs that are initially hard, and is more often than not seeing inevitable mistakes as simply a part of the learning process (rather than a horrible frustration and something to be avoided at all costs-- his initial perspective on mistakes).  Eric and I are both perfectionists and have been working with Alexander on a "healthy perfectionism"--to have high standards, but embrace the entire process (which includes mistakes and setbacks) in reaching ones goals.  (Something Eric and I are still working on).  It is wonderful to see this healthy philosophy nurtured in the classroom and Alexander making such great progress in this area.  It is something we have been working on since he was about 2.  It was so clear in all that she said how much she adores Alexander, how well she "gets" him, and how well loved he is by her.  

As for Avery, she spoke at great length about the special heart and personality of our littlest one.  She described her enthusiasm, positive attitude, eagerness for learning and doing what is right, her loving nature, and magnanimous spirit.  She noted that Avery's personality lifts the atmosphere of the classroom.  She noted how children frequently come up to her throughout the day just to hug her.  How children love to take her by the hand to show her a job and how the older kids have taken to calling her "little Avery" or "amiga" (friend in spanish-- the children are in a spanish and mandarin immersion program).  Given that she is the youngest by half a year, I guess that would be everyone!  She talked about how she is just adored by the children and has such a positive spirit about her.  

She said that when Avery does get teary eyed about something, her happiness returns quickly and that she is eager to be happy again.  She noted that when Avery is corrected about something, she seems genuinely eager to learn the proper way.  She talked about how she loves classification activities, practical life jobs, and links what she is learning in the classroom to other things in her life.  She noted that she is patient, takes turns well, and completes the full work cycle without a reminder.  She noted her concentration, focus, and care in her work are very good, especially given her young age.   I love that her teacher not only sees her special qualities, but celebrates and nurtures them.  We feel very lucky to have found this school and feel very blessed in their teacher.   

Halloween fun

Yesterday the kids and I had a lot of fun getting ready for Halloween.  We painted pumpkins, made pumpkin muffins and toasted pumpkin seeds.  Fun!  I love watching how carefully they crack eggs into their bowls when we bake and how much joy they have when painting.   

Today we are making treat bags for the kids' classroom, getting our costumes ready and figuring out what kinds of treats we want for the neighborhood trick or treaters.  For the classroom treat bags, we are tracing and cutting bats from sturdy black card stock, adhering a tag that says, "Boo!  Happy Halloween from Alexander and Avery", and then using a clothes pin to secure the bat to a small bag with play doh in it.  As for the costumes, Alexander is going as a ghost and Avery as a Princess.   And for the neighborhood trick or treaters, we are likely to offer a few options--candy, cutely tied Halloween pencils and leftover Play Doh.  It's always nice to have options!  Plus, we don't have many treats to make as our neighborhood is small and does not have many children in it.  

Today Avery is having a play date with an adorable little girl from her class at school.  Her mother and I are taking the children to an area attraction for little kids.  There will be lots of slides and imaginative places to explore.  I am looking forward to getting to know this mother better and I can't wait to see Avery enjoying having another little friend all to herself.  She is very social and loves to have someone her age to pal around with.

And speaking of Avery, she has had us all in stitches lately with some of the things she has been saying.  She had a long conversation with me yesterday where she said she needed to go to bunny town in order to get a big sister named Gus.  When we were having ice cream together, we saved some for Gus and made sure to get an extra water for her as well.  She was very distressed when we failed to find bunny town on our way to the park.  Fortunately, she had a lot of fun playing on the slides, swings, and in the wood chips with me and seemed to forget all about Gus.  However, on the way to pick up Alexander from school, she looked for bunny town again and was disappointed not to find it.   I can only imagine what is going on in her mind as she looks for a place called "bunny town" and the big sisters available just for the taking.  There is no convincing her that such a place does not exist, but she will accept a pretend "bunny town" at home and a pretend big sister named "Gus".  Oh, her imagination!  

She has also taken to calling bananas "bananulas" and whenever I ask her, "Avery, how come you're so smart/beautiful/cute/fun/etc" she has taken to answering "God just made me that way!"  I love it.   I really love this age and all the silliness that goes with it! I know this age has its own challenges, but really, is there anything more adorable than a two year old?  

Alexander and the green balloon

I was having some special one-on-one time with Alexander awhile ago and after playing at the park, reading books, and having dinner, we stopped by our favorite grocery store.   This is a small grocery store that sometimes has free balloons at the service counter for kids.  Alexander is a bit shy with new people and always balks a little before working up the courage to ask the grown up for a green balloon.  Although my heart just aches at his pleas for me to take away this painful event for him (he snuggles DEEP in my arms with his head tucked under my chin and says in a little voice, "you ask him, Mommy, pwease?"), I always calmly squeeze him tight, give him little kisses on his head and whisper in his ear, "You can do it Alexander.  You can do it.  I will go with you and give you the words if you'd like, but you can do it."    He usually stays quiet for a little bit and then climbs down with great purpose and palpable bravery to get the balloon himself, but working up the courage to ask is truly daunting for him.  We go through this ritual whenever the balloons are available.  

This day was even harder than usual as the service counter man was one we had never seen before. So Alexander took a minute or two longer before he scooted himself out my arms, walked with shoulders back and chest out over to the counter and said in his deeper than usual voice, "excuse me, can I pwease have a balloon?  a gween balloon?"  Alexander then beamed with pride, relief, and utter joy as the man filled his balloon and tied it on his wrist.  And he played with it with great delight as we checked out and headed outside to our car. As I was marveling at his courage and thinking how we all value things more that require us to stretch and grow to achieve, his balloon found itself free of his wrist and sailed quickly beyond his grasp.  The anguish on his face and the agony in his sobs and his wails of "it's gone fohever! fohEVER" still resonate deep in my heart.   

As I held him close and kissed his tears, I thought about the power I had to be his rescuer.  I realized there would be few times in his life where I would have the ability to truly restore what he had lost and be able to completely take away his sadness.  I can't tell you how much I wanted to do that.  To take away his agony, fix the problem, and be the hero in his memory of this event for years to come.  And to take advantage of this time in his life where the scope of his problems could be solved by my limited abilities.  But, I didn't distract him from his pain or take it away or solve anything for him.  I realized that I loved him more than that and that my hopes and dreams for him were much greater than what that response would have provided.  

So instead... I held him in my arms, gave him kisses, murmured my understanding and gently waited until his sobs slowed and calmed a bit before I said, "you know, Alexander, that man who gave you that balloon, he had such a friendly and warm smile...  it makes me think he might also be kind-hearted".  There was quiet for a moment and then Alexander asked, "do you think he would give me another balloon?" And I responded, "I bet if you explained what happened, he would understand.  Would you like to go back and talk to him?"  Alexander said he did and without any questions about who would do the talking, he approached the man and said in his deeper than usual voice, "my gween balloon blew away.  It came off my wist and BLEW AWAY!"  The man asked if he would like another balloon and Alexander solemnly nodded that he did.  Although he accepted this balloon with a good bit less enthusiasm and seemed tired from all of the big emotions he had been feeling, he also seemed stronger and more mature than the first time around.   And while I am certain that he experienced a lot of personal growth from this event, the growth didn't come without a lot of pain.     

I have been pondering this event for a bit now and it makes me think about my God and how He promises to always be with me and always provide comfort, but He doesn't promise that He will take away the painful events in my life (as much I sometimes beg and plead for Him to and as much as I know He has the power to).   The plan that He has for my life very frequently takes me out of my comfort zone and feels painful as I grow and stretch to become the wife, mother, daughter, and Christian that He has in mind.   I have always known this, of course, but to have a small, relatively insignificant experience on the other end of this with Alexander has made me understand and appreciate this aspect of God's love all the more.