Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A rainy, reading day

It is a cold rainy day here and we spent the afternoon reading armloads of books.  The kids snuggled in tight on each side of me on the couch and happily spent hours pouring through the books piled high on the coffee table.  Favorites lately include anything silly.  Robert Munsch is a big hit here as are the silly poems of Shel Silverstein.  Alexander still has a passion for nonfiction and will say at the end of such books things like, "that was a really good book, Mommy, because we learned all about bumblebees".  Avery has developed a passion for girly, girly books.  She loves the Fancy Nancy series and nonfiction books about ballerinas.  

And, today for the first time, we took turns reading!

Alexander has become more confident in his reading ability and is now willing to tackle books above his reading level.  This is a wonderful change from a few months ago where reading books out loud could quickly deteriorate from great fun to big frustration in a single sentence. I used to organize books according to reading level and directed his progression through him. Now when faced with a book-any book-he just plows ahead and tries to figure out all the words that come his way.  He even tackled a few pages of a chapter book I was reading to him the other night.  I love to see him exhilarated  by a challenge rather than overwhelmed by one.  It is amazing what a little self-efficacy can do!  And, my goodness, it is SO fun to have him be such an active part of reading together.

Avery has also started reading.  She can sound out *very* simple 3 letter words and has memorized a few common sight words (the, and).  The looks of "wow!" on her face when she realizes that the sounds she is saying turn into a real word ("cah! ah! tah! (repeat 10 or so times) ......  CAT!")  is priceless and her thrill in seeing a word she knows is so exciting to see ("that says and!").  I feel so privileged and so lucky to see them making these discoveries about their world.  It is truly one of the best parts about being a stay at home mom for me.  

Friday, February 6, 2009

Watch, Check, and Cheer

The other day, the children's teacher at school mentioned that sometimes Alexander is so quick to help Avery that it sometimes hinders her independence.  She asked my advice in handling this.  I thought about this for a good bit that afternoon.  

I love how Alexander looks out for Avery and deeply cares about her and her well being.  I want her to know deep in her bones that her big brother is on her side, is there to help her, love her and adore her.  And I love the pride Alexander has in being there for her and the way his heart has an opportunity to show tenderness, thoughtfulness, and kindness in nurturing her.  So, from an early age, I looked for and created opportunities for Alexander to show Avery love and, in doing so, worked to facilitate and nurture the many different ways we have as individuals to show love to someone.   And now he does many of these things on his own.  At the local play structure, he turns himself into a step stool so that Avery can climb to the next level.  He has been known to put shoes on her feet and band aids on her boo boos.  He comforts her when she is sad.  He builds doll houses for her dollies out of his blocks.  He loves to snuggle her to sleep in his arms.  And he loves to help her when she is struggling.  

So I didn't want to discourage the love in his heart.  I also didn't want his love to thwart Avery's development.    

So I talked to Alexander that night about how Avery has gotten so much bigger and more capable and noted all that she can do on her own now that she didn't use to be able to do.  I talked about how Avery is so lucky to have him as a teacher and a helper in her life and how he has facilitated her growth.  I then said that I thought he was ready to learn "Watch, Check and Cheer".   I explained that "Watch" means to stand back and watch for signs of needing help.  If she needs help, then we can do what we normally do-- ask if she would like help and, if she does, then provide just enough help to get her progressing toward her goal again.    "Check" means to check that she reached her goal properly (i.e., put her toy back where it belongs or reached the top of the ladder).  If she doesn't quite get to where she needs/wants to be, we simply give a gentle reminder/encouragement or, if necessary, help.   "Cheer" means that we congratulate and celebrate her reaching her goal by saying "You did it!" or giving her a high-5 or a big hug.  

We practiced this a few times at home and Alexander took to it pretty easily as really we were just adding the step of "watch" and simply formalizing the rest what he already does.  He also seemed proud of Avery and of himself.   

The next day I explained "Watch, Check, and Cheer" to their teacher and as of late, she says it is working.

I am glad we found a solution that seems to work.  For now at least.  I have been parenting long enough to realize that a solution that seems great at first can quickly backfire, have unintended consequences, or simply stop working.  So I will revisit and revise as needed.   

But, mostly I am glad for all the opportunities we have as parents to teach our children about love and about relationships.  I hope that as Alexander and Avery go out into the world they have a solid sense of what love looks and feels like in its many different expressions and forms. And I am thankful to have a God that shows us what love looks like in its perfect form and who continues to teach me (everyday) about what it means to love others and all the ways I can be doing that better.